Taking a Break

I'm taking a hiatus from blogging. Some of you might have noticed I actually haven't posted anything in the last couple weeks. I'm going to extend that for a little longer. I miss my time blogging because it helps me process, but its important right now to simplify my life a bit more than usual.

My grandfather died on August 20th, after spending three days in our home being cared for by hospice. It was an exhausting but beautiful experience.  A perfect opportunity for my 3 year old to experience death as a natural part of life. Most of all, it was incredible to stand quietly breastfeeding my 4 month old son and watch my father hold his father's hand as he transitioned.

What ensued was 1 1/2 weeks of arrangements, memorials, and extended family all centered from our home. Oh, it felt soooo long and tiring. I owe special thanks to my husband's parents for allowing us refuge at their home whenever we needed a break for the night.

The rush is finally over, but we're beginning the process of packing and moving. Official move day is second weekend of September and, of course, we'll be up to our knees in boxes everywhere.

In the meantime, I'm trying to keep some of our normal activities in place, like playgroups and library trips so that the boys feel some consistency. The balance has been challenging, and, of course, what suffers most is "me time." I'm trying to make that up with some running. I need the time to center more than ever.

So, blog wise, I just wanted you to know that I'm not going anywhere, I'm just taking a break. I'll probably be back to blogging in October. Just in time for my favorite month and season. I'll have lots to write about, I'm sure.

This Is Why I Love My Family

Have you ever seen the movie, Parenthood? It's a classic in my family. Not just a must-see, but a must-know forwards and backwards. When the show came out this last spring I fell in love with it, too. Why? Because both the movie and the show are all about real family- and they are a lot like my family.

My family likes to get together for brunch pretty regularly. Brunch, of course, means we'll lounge around my parent's house for the entire day chatting, eating and drinking (yes, sometimes mimosas, and later on beer, are involved). These long drawn out days are a wonderful peek into the real life of my family.

Typically, the days are enjoyable but not significant.  However, just as with every family, some of the days can be much more interesting. One discussion can lead to an outburst and within a moment two of my siblings can be shouting at each other and then quickly storming out of the room. No one ever leaves, they just get pissed and avoid each other while the rest of us over-analyze it for the day. I don't particularly love those gatherings, but they still make me feel like I'm part of something strong and dependable.

Or, like this last weekend, we end up doing something especially cool. This Sunday's barbeque ended with two big water balloon fights between myself, my sister, my sister's boyfriend, my brother and my son.  Two in a corner shielded by an over turned Little Tykes picnic table and the top of a sandbox, and two with my son at the top of the playground fort launching about 250 balloons back and forth soaking each other to the bone.  It was pure juvenile fun.

It was the kind of scene that would suddenly begin playing in slow motion at the end of an episode of Parenthood, with either hip, sentimental music playing or a voice over talking about families coming together. Cheesy, yes, but it sure rocks to be a part of it.

Wordless Wednesday: Dressed Up and Naked

(Did ya catch the tiger tattoo?)

Dog Days of Summer Indoor Activities: Bathtub Fun

Each Monday for the month of August I'm posting an indoor activity to engage in during those hottest days of summer when even the pool doesn't offer enough relief! Last week, I share pictures of our obstacle course.

Activity #2

Whenever Everett is getting a little stir crazy because we can't get outside or we're stuck at home for various reasons, I run him a bath. He spent several afternoons in the tub after Kellan was just born, in fact.  We have created even more fun by adding bubble (both bubble bath and blowing bubbles), bath colors and crayons, a mini basketball hoop, measuring cups or squirters.

Now that Kellan is a little bit older, the two of them get in the bath together for a little while. I encourage Everett to involve Kellan in the fun by drawing on him, blowing bubbles, or washing him with a washcloth and baby soap. Kellan loves it, smiling and kicking with excitement. Then I take  Kellan out of the tub and get him dressed while Everett spends more time playing and splashing around after I draw our clear curtain.






 

Kids Yoga Activities: Goodnight Baby Animals

This is a quick little yoga routine Everett and I used to include some nights in our bedtime routine. It was perfect for transition from activity to quiet. As we moved into each pose we would say "good night" to the baby animal it represented and make the animal's call. At the end we usually said, "good night moon" like we did below and circle our feet up like the moon rising or "good night, baby" and end with child's pose. (Several poses are linked to instructions on Yoga Journal's website.)

Good night baby calf!

Good night baby kitten!

Good Night puppy dog!

Good night baby dolphin!

Good night baby snake!

Good night baby frog!

Good night moon!

It's Not Always Necessary To Fix It

So I finally started reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy by Naomi Aldort. It's been read by so many mamas I know and just like every other must-read of the parenting world, I kept putting it off for my book club's entertaining fiction instead. Now that I've finally picked it up, I'm glad I did.


I've read about half way through the first section, Talk that Heals and Connects, but one of the most valuable lessons of the book has already been presented: S.A.L.V.E.  That stands for Silent Self-Talk, Attention, Listen, Validate, and Empower. Five steps that take you from the angry reaction to your child's outbursts, misbehaviors, etc. to a response that sends a message of value and love but still communicates boundaries when necessary. It's nothing new, but it's great stuff anyway.

I am pretty good at those first three steps (although having a 3 year old has really made this silent self-talk a lot more challenging). And one of my greatest goals as a parent is to empower, so a lot of what I practice as a mama is done in order to empower Everett and Kellan.


It's that validating that's a bit tougher for me. Or, I guess, what I proceed to do after the validating that is tough. You see, an important part of validating is to stop after acknowledging the child's emotions/position. Not to fix it or even help him find a solution. Just stop at validating.

I have always been a fixer so my first reaction is always to help Everett find a solution to his "problem" or to help soothe his emotions.  I have been getting so focused on that recently, that I can see times when I have made the situation worse by trying to fix it. This occurs mostly when Everett is angry. I worry so much about his tendency to act out his anger aggressively that I don't let him just be angry. I try too hard to help him calm down and he ends up getting angrier. 

There are two problems with this. One, he learns to suppress his anger instead of express it, and, two, he isn't empowered to solve his own problems. Furthermore, as Aldort writes, often times validation is all that is needed. 

After reading the chapter, I promised myself to put validating and stopping into action right away.  It didn't take long for me to get my chance. When Everett became angry about something that evening, I removed him from the situation, taking him to our bedroom. He was angry enough that he was just yelling "no" over and and over again. I pulled him in the room, sat down by the door and let him yell.  After a minute I asked him if he wanted to talk and he said he didn't want to talk before proceeding to yell some more. Another minute went by and the dialog repeated itself. 

I didn't want to push talking about it. Aldort mentions that sometimes kids don't want to talk about how they feel and if it's not hurting anyone or anything, that's okay. I paused, then asked him if he needed a hug. He quickly shook his head and moved onto my lap and into my arms. I stated for him what I thought had caused him to feel mad. He agreed without saying much more. It was done and he was ready to play. There was no solution needed, he just needed the space to be mad. It was that simple. Validate and the empowering is a natural result. 

Wordless Wednesday: Boy's Weekend & Babywearing

Picture taken by Everett

Picture taken by Everett

Picture taken by Everett

Dog Days of Summer Indoor Activities: Obstacle Course

During these dog days of summer we struggle with staying outside too long.  I often set up the lil pool we have and let Everett play, get soaked and run and jump like he needs. However, there are still those ridiculously hot days when I have a hard time keeping Kellan cool, or bug free, and even some when Everett just doesn't want to be in it.

For those days, I think creatively.  Each Monday for the month of August, I'm going to post an indoor activity that we've created that satisfies every child's need to be physically active and play big.

Activity #1: Obstacle Course

Not too long ago, Everett and I came up with an obstacle course. Made out of toys he had in his room- a tunnel, large cardboard blocks, bowling pins and cups. You can use a variety of objects or toys around the house. We set it up, he ran it several times, racing to finish faster each time. Then we changed things up and he ran it again. It provided roughly 45 minutes of hard play. 

July Library Love

There Are Monsters Everywhere (There's A…)

by Mercer Mayer

 A little boy takes you through his day and house insisting on the monsters that exist there. Then he takes it upon himself to get tough, taking a karate class offered after school, and fight back.

Everett loved it because of his fascination with monsters and anything about kicking or fighting. I loved it because it empowers both the imagination and the independence of monster-seeing children everywhere. 

Traction Man Meets Turbo Dog
by Mini Grey

Traction Man action figure fights the evil (trash) bin monsters to find his trusty pet, scrubbing brush, who has mysteriously been replaced by Turbo Dog.

Everett loooooved it because he says Traction Man is cool and is a superhero. We seriously have read this one a hundred times. I love it because it's written very creatively, straight through the eyes of a child involved in imaginative play.

Big and Small, Room for All
by Jo Ellen Bogart

A simple story that compares things in our world from the vastness of the skies to the tiniest microorganisms.  It reads one spread to the next with beautiful illustractions and phrases like "Big earth, small mountain" "Big mountain, small tree."

Everett liked the illustrations and asked several questions about why things are big or small. I liked it because of the illustrations and how it encourages taking different perspectives and making comparisons.

The Great Texas Hamster Drive
by Eric A Kimmel

A little Texan girl asks for pet hamsters and turns her family's cattle farm  upside down looking for a load of hamsters.

Everett loved it because he thought it was funny and wants to have a hamster every time we go to a pet store. I loved it because it was creative and I can't pass up the chance to read with a souther accent!

Cow
by Malachy Doyle

Simply a day in the life of a dairy cow from the cow's perspective.

Everett liked it because it so appropriately fit in with our recent trip to Shatto Dairy Farm. I liked it because it was sweet, educational, and the farmer treated his dairy cows just right!

Wordless Wednesday: Everett and Mommy's Silly Photo Montage