Any day now, we'll be expecting our new little one! Of course, most of us are bubbling over with anticipation and excitement. When asked, Everett says he's excited, but really? How much can a 3 year old be excited about a new baby?
He seems to think that the baby is going to be just like his cousin, Ryan, who is about 20 months, and able to run around and play with him. So, sure, he would be thrilled if that were the case! We, of course, have talked to him about what a new baby will really be like (lots of love and attention but not so much play...) and have tried to prepare him in other ways.
What We've Done Before the Baby Arrives
What We've Done Before the Baby Arrives
- I have taken Everett to several prenatal visits. He has heard about how the baby has grown, watched as my midwife uses a grover or elmo doll to show us the baby's position, and listened to her/his heart beat. He's helped measure my growing belly (among anything else he can get his hands on), weighed himself when I weighed myself, and played with toy while the midwife and I talked.
- For his birthday, we bought him a baby doll to help take care of before and after our little one is born.
- We have discussed with him what changes we all will make; how we will share our bed, share mommy's na-nas, and share our time. But we've also told him that we will give him special attention in other ways and will try hard to have a little bit of special time together, without the baby, every day.
- We have made a BIG deal about how much he, as a "big guy," will be able to help with the baby, changing diapers, (occasional) bottle feeding, giving hugs and kisses, etc.
- We have talked about what being a big brother means: being that big help, giving special big brother snuggles, sharing secrets, playing together, teaching the baby how to play ball or games when s/he gets older.
- He has helped me make meals and choose snacks to stock up on for after baby is born, especially choosing ones that he loves.
What Will Happen After the Baby is Born
- Everett and the baby are exchanging gifts. The baby is giving him a Big Brother Tool Belt full of bath supplies and a little toy. Everett will be picking out a blanket or stuffed animal to snuggle with the baby.
- We bought Everett some small surprises or gifts.. Of course, the grandmas are all over this, too. We picked up a few small items to surprise him with on those rough days, or when people bring gifts for baby, but not for him.
- We plan on spending special time with him alone after baby is born. While Everett napped on me most of the time, this one will probably be laid down for naps more often so I can spend some time with Everett. Likewise, Everett's daddy will be spending some time with him alone and probably a few special trips out to the park or zoo.
- Family members are also taking him out for special outings after baby is born. Since his birthday was only a month ago, he is spending his birthday outings with family for special days away. Air Zone and Paradise Park watch out for this active boy!
- As an early labor project (depending on the time of day/night) I plan on making a birthday cake for the baby with Everett. If I'm not able, my family is going to make it with him. He'll play a big part in decorating it.
Beyond all this fun stuff, I think what's most important is that we will allow him to still be him, a 3 year old boy who still relies on mom and dad's support for physical, emotional and mental well being. We'll expect him to depend on us, and balance that with encouraging his independent growth. We will give him opportunity to be open with his feelings. Sure, we dream of a sweet and loving bond between siblings, but we're not foolish. We know from the get-go, Everett may likely feel that he simply wants the baby to go away most of the time. He may ask to take the baby back or act out in more physical ways. No matter what, we want to continue responding with sensitivity to his needs while we all learn to adapt to our newly expanded family.
If you have more than one child, what did you do to help your first child transition into being a big sister/brother?
What would be your best advice for someone like myself, getting ready to embark upon that new step in parenthood?
If you have more than one child, what did you do to help your first child transition into being a big sister/brother?
What would be your best advice for someone like myself, getting ready to embark upon that new step in parenthood?
Great list of suggestions! I'm glad that Kieran has gotten to experience the pregnancies & new babies of several other people - hopefully that will also do a bit to prepare him if we ever get pregnant again.
ReplyDeleteGreat article, Acacia! Brady napped and slept on my chest all the time, too, but I knew I wouldn't get to do so as often with Derek. With Brady being so young when we became pregnant again (there's only 15 months between the two), he didn't completely understand that a baby was joining our family. Sure, he patted my belly, but that was about it. We were really concerned about jealousy issues and one-on-one time with Brady, but it all worked out. I focused all my time and energy on Brady as often as I could to let him know that his little brother wouldn't affect our time together. I also included him in everything I did that involved his little brother: we played/read books on the floor while I nursed, he helped with diaper changes, etc. He LOVES his little brother. Since day one, he pats Derek's head, gives him kisses and hugs, squeezes his toes...I'm just taken away at how much love he's able to express towards this new life, considering how young he is and how jealous he is of any other baby/child EXCEPT for his brother. I'm convinced they understand when its "their baby" versus someone else's baby. I'm sure Everett will be a great brother! Just afford to him as much special him time as you can while LO is napping and cherish the late night feedings when its just you and your new LO.
ReplyDeleteI agree, these are great suggestions! Reality is sometimes more challenging than the ideal, though. The thing that I have found most challenging is the complete difference in personality, it's impossible not to get sucked into the comparison game; "why can't you be quiet like Emma?" But I relish the differences too, but it IS very different. I think it's easy to "be prepared" for that, but it's different when you expect your baby to do something--first siblings bring expectations for second ones. What if LO doesn't nurse as long or as much--would that you off? It did for me. As far as siblings, Emma LOVED Jack from the moment she was allowed to hold him in the nursery, but she was always attracted to babies before hand and they are only 18 mo apart--so maybe that helps. Ev has been exposed to enough other kids that he should be (for the most part) cool with the new one sharing his stuff. It's only now that Emma has issues with Jack taking things (and he with her). He loves her sooooo much it's ridiculous, he follows her around imitating her every move. You guys will be fine b/c you have put time and will put effort into making sure each kid gets their own voice!!!! Hope LO comes soon so you can get started!
ReplyDeleteDionna, that has been one of the best things about having nannied and having family so close to us. I think Everett has had some preparation for our own LO thanks to his cousins and friends who've been around so much.
ReplyDeleteHuong, we have a friend who had a similar experience with her LOs. They are about the same age difference and they transitioned beautifully. I have heard lots of hard times with kiddos 2 and under when the second LO comes along, so it is so good to hear that you had an easier time. Either way, it sounds like a lot of hard work but great pay off. I hope our preparations help things work out smoothly for us, too.
Marci, you bring up my biggest concern.... what about the differences? Erik and I were just talking about how much we lean to talking about how much Everett will be able to help out, and Erik even tells Everett now that they are the big guys so they have to help out mama and the baby. Now we're a bit unsure about all that expectation he may build up in his head that we don't necessarily have of him.
And more along the lines of what you are talking about, Everett excels at a lot. He's v. well rounded with his talents and capabilities. I can see him as a child that is easy to compare to, and that is something I don't want our second child to fall victim to. I know we will try v. hard to relish in thier differences and help them find their own voice. Thanks for the confidence in us!